How I Failed Yesterday, Today, and Probably Tomorrow

It's been 23 days since the birth of our 4th child. Life has been exhausting and beautiful all at once. After your first born you seem to forget the pain, the exhaustion, the soreness, the mood swings, and the tears (oh! and hemorrhoids... yep you just might get those). I'm still trying to get it together. I am living in sweats and pjs all day every day, with my hair tied up in some sort of a messy bun, and maybe brushed teeth.  On top of it, I have 4 other people that need me. The dinners don't stop, the laundry doesn't stop, the sports don't stop, etc etc etc. So, I have to suck it up and put my big girl panties on (well, in my case, granny panties for maybe another darn week) and be super mom!

There have been days of lots of crying.....from me. Hormones are raging out of control and all over the place. One minute you feel great and the next you hate everyone and everything. Every morning I wake up with the best intentions to be this amazing, patient, fun, happy mom. Within minutes I'm already stressed and frustrated. I tend to wonder if I am doing a good job or is what I'm doing enough. I could yearn for more recognition and appreciation from my family, but will that really cure me?

 I can easily paint this picture on how perfect I am and how perfect my family is, but that is not reality. There is no perfect mom. There is no perfect family. I can stare at Instagram and Facebook all day and believe that the pictures I see are "real". You know, the pictures of the well behaved kids with their perfect clothes and pearly white smiles or the pictures of the fashionably dressed mom next to her perfect husband in front of their perfect home. So. Not. Real.

Then it hit me. My dear friend said to me that "motherhood is such an important role. God allows our days to be flooded with stress and trouble so that we will run into the ark of our Savior and allow Him to change us, mature our love, and give us a fresh purpose." So true. I needed to hear those words. I need to run to my God and pour my heart out to Him and ask Him to change me. I need to find joy in Him alone and not in my clean home, my well behaved kids, my perfect image. Finding pure joy in Him and instilling that in my children is all I need. Each day, each stain on the rug, each tear that may shed is God's blessing making me stronger and better mother for not my children, His children.

XO Tierra